Since my daughter started school in September I have become a little ‘obsessed’ with naming the other types of mums in the playground at pick up:
- The ‘be my friend’ mum – Now this mum is always trying to talk to everyone and start random conversations. Obviously not with me because I am stood in the corner of the playground looking at everyone like a weirdo!
- The ‘I must be first in’ mum – This mum makes me laugh every time! Parents are all hanging out outside the gate waiting for the caretaker to come and unlock them. This mum pushes through all the other parents and puts her buggy up against the actual bloody gate so her toddler’s feet are pressed against it. The moment the gate is open she rushes in, like her life depends on it, to the top of the steps by the door her kid comes out of. This means that the children coming out first have to struggle past this bloody pushchair to make their way to their parents. After this Olympic worthy race to be first in – we all then spend 15 minutes waiting for the kids to appear!
- The ‘I spend all day getting ready for this outing’ mum – You know the mum. She looks bloody amazing. Fancy clothes, hair done and full make up on! This is totally alien to me. The last time I spent more than 10 minutes getting ready was in 2012!
- The ‘my kid is better than your kid’ mum. Child appears from the door of their class and at this point the mum at the top of her voice starts praising her child. “OH Harry you got a sticker for tidy up! WELL DONE!”, “OH William, you have done an AH-mazing painting!” Meanwhile I am trying to work out how to carry the bizarre sculpture Miss A has made today out of yogurt pots, loo roll tubes and bubble wrap while asking where she has lost her school jumper today!
- The ‘don’t fucking talk to me’ mum! These mothers scare the shit out of me. They stand alone in the playground not looking at anyone and looking like if you spoke to them they would take you down! I often pray that Miss A has not decided during that day to become best friends with their child or I might just have to speak to them.
- The ‘cool’ dads. They stand casually around the edge of the playground away from the mad rush of mums getting as close to the door as possible and just calmly wait. Probably wondering why the hell these women are in such a rush to get the kids back!
- The ‘momentary meltdown’ mum. Pushing a toddler in a pushchair and wearing a newborn on their front. You know she hasn’t slept for about a year and she could break down at any point!
- The ‘got her shit together’ mum – she has four children to pick up but she calmly walks between classrooms picking them up and breezily chats to people in the playground. I am jealous of this mum. I pick Miss A and her friend up once a week along with Miss I and it is often total carnage!
- The ‘in the gang’ mum – these mums hunt in packs. I have never seen one alone. They seem like they have know each other forever. Their kids are best mates and no one else is getting into the gang – no matter how hard ‘be my friend’ mum tries.
Let me just say , this is just my opinion and not all the parents are in a category – it is actually just a few and I know it is a very childish way of passing the time when I could be trying to get ‘in the gang’ but this is much more fun!
Which mum am I? I like to think a mix of a few depending on the given day and my mood. I’ll let the other mums be the judges of that, surely they all play this game too!